Online Veteran Forums Give Insight to Suicide Ideation
Real Vets. Real Posts.
What do I do?
My heart can’t handle much more pain.
Medically retired, Infantry
Losing my grip
So a few years ago I had an almost complete breakdown –
Bad enough to call the crisis line and ask for help. I don’t like to ask for help, so obvs that was pretty bad. I was diagnosed w PTSD & major depressive disorder and hooked up with a psych-doc who has tried multiple meds to help me and a therapist who gave me 8 sessions and done. I said I really still need help due to debilitating symptoms (can’t stop crying 24 hrs a day, constant panic attacks, can’t function, etc) and she put me in WEBSTAIR – the self-paced online skills program. The doc who was my ‘guide’ for the program was super nice and gave me another 8 weeks after I completed the program bc I’m still not in good shape. Then she left and I had to ask for another therapist bc they said basically – look, you’ve had your therapy, you need to be better now.
So I got another therapist who said I can’t be in therapy forever, but she’ll give me another 8-sessions even though I’m using appointments other veterans could be benefiting from. We’re now at the end of those 8 sessions and she says I am now done. No more. Endsville.
I am now able to suppress it and only cry when I think about things which I can avoid using distraction. And most of the time I don’t think I’m responsible for & deserved everything that’s happened to me in my life. That’s my progress. But I don’t feel like I’m done – I can’t imagine living another 50 years feeling the way I do, and I can’t fix my brain when I can’t even see what’s wrong in my head. I can probably afford 1x therapy session per month on my own $$ but it chaps my a$$ that the VA refuses to provide this care for a service-connected disability. I’m 100% for the PTSD/mental health due to the depth of my breakdown.
I’ve sent out a plea for help to my senator but I’m pretty sure, after reading all the info on the VA sites, that the VA doesn’t offer long-term therapy for PTSD, so I’m $crewed. Looking forward to suggestions/advice from anyone who knows anything.
Those with untreated PTSD/depression: did it ever get better?
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