Online Veteran Forums Give Insight to Suicide Ideation

Real Vets. Real Posts.

Looking for support from their fellow Veterans, this Reddit subReddit give us a chance to see events and emotions leading up to the brink of Veteran suicide.

What do I do?

Right now I’m struggling more than ever. I lost my job in October due to PTSD and workplace harassment. I have since struggled with depression and suicide. I feel/felt I had no one to turn to. In January, my best friend of over 25 years said he was going to lose his kids and they were going to be placed with some strangers in the state foster system. Without even asking my wife, I told him we would take the two kids while he undergoes drug rehabilitation, detox, etc. he has since relapsed and we again, didn’t think twice to adopting these two boys and letting them be our family.
Now, we have four kids 15,11,9, and 3 and our house only has one shower (the other tub is broken), not enough rooms, and bad electrical. On top of all that, because I lost my job, I have to file for bankruptcy. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I’m panicking. If there is another season, I need help.

My heart can’t handle much more pain.

Medically retired, Infantry

 
deployed soldier take a break

Losing my grip

I’ve been out for 5 months now. 100 percent disabled. Can’t seem to hold down a job. Can’t seem to keep my life together. Moved back to my hometown. Old friends have moved on. Feeling pretty alone and disenfranchised. Idk who I’m talking to. Whoever will listen I suppose.

So a few years ago I had an almost complete breakdown –

Bad enough to call the crisis line and ask for help. I don’t like to ask for help, so obvs that was pretty bad. I was diagnosed w PTSD & major depressive disorder and hooked up with a psych-doc who has tried multiple meds to help me and a therapist who gave me 8 sessions and done. I said I really still need help due to debilitating symptoms (can’t stop crying 24 hrs a day, constant panic attacks, can’t function, etc) and she put me in WEBSTAIR – the self-paced online skills program. The doc who was my ‘guide’ for the program was super nice and gave me another 8 weeks after I completed the program bc I’m still not in good shape. Then she left and I had to ask for another therapist bc they said basically – look, you’ve had your therapy, you need to be better now.

So I got another therapist who said I can’t be in therapy forever, but she’ll give me another 8-sessions even though I’m using appointments other veterans could be benefiting from. We’re now at the end of those 8 sessions and she says I am now done. No more. Endsville.

I am now able to suppress it and only cry when I think about things which I can avoid using distraction. And most of the time I don’t think I’m responsible for & deserved everything that’s happened to me in my life. That’s my progress. But I don’t feel like I’m done – I can’t imagine living another 50 years feeling the way I do, and I can’t fix my brain when I can’t even see what’s wrong in my head. I can probably afford 1x therapy session per month on my own $$ but it chaps my a$$ that the VA refuses to provide this care for a service-connected disability. I’m 100% for the PTSD/mental health due to the depth of my breakdown.

I’ve sent out a plea for help to my senator but I’m pretty sure, after reading all the info on the VA sites, that the VA doesn’t offer long-term therapy for PTSD, so I’m $crewed. Looking forward to suggestions/advice from anyone who knows anything.

Those with untreated PTSD/depression: did it ever get better?

I’m going on 5 years and have seen a therapist a few times and ditched therapy for numerous of reasons and I have noticed that I have a habit of lying and saying I’m okay but in reality, I’m super sick. My mental health went untreated for a good 3 years till I got hospitalized and started to seek help. I ditched the help because I was going back through that cycle again. I have a bad habit of avoidance and seeking help because I just don’t feel comfortable asking for it.
 
To be honest, the depression and suicidal thoughts graduated into severe anxiety/full blown panic attacks and having violent thoughts and outbursts. I lived a life of I had nothing to lose and I had no fear of going to jail. I’m actually surprised I’m not in jail. I’ve been listening to podcasts which have been very therapeutic and part of me thinks I need a outlet to stop me from having these thoughts.. I’ve heard even though it could get better, you will always have these thoughts, almost like it’s a plaque in your brain. I’ve been planning for the future and I think fishing and hunting could help me be less intense from having these bad thoughts. Part of me feels like it’s hard to be cured because I ignored my mental health and mind. I used self avoidance as therapy. I tried pills and therapy and they always gave me horrible side effects.

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